I Survived. I'm Good now. Maybe
I have gone through all of my treatments, and on September 24th, I had my port removed.
Yay me, I guess? But here's the thing:
But what about my friends who are going through treatment right now? For some reason I feel bad that I have made it through surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, seemingly nearly unscathed while I have friends that are suffering all of the ill-effects of chemotherapy --from nausea, to neuropathy -- and friends suffering from the worst effects of radiation -- she looks literally like she was flayed alive -- it's weird. Was my cancer not as bad? No, I don't think so. Did I minimize what I was going through? Possibly.
The odd thing about time is that you forget after a while. You forget how awful you really felt. You forget how hard it was to just get through your day-to-day life. You forget the fatigue, the brain fog, the aches and pains, the lack of sleep or poor sleep. You don't remember the dry skin so bad your fingerprints stop working. Your fingernails peeling. When you get to the point of feeling good again, you kind of forget how bad it was.
So I find myself second-guessing: Was all this really necessary? Was it as bad as it should be? Why did I get off so easy? Did I get off easy? Why are others suffering worse than I did?
I get that it's okay for me to feel bad for what I went through even if I didn't have it as bad as others, but is it?
Yay me, I guess? But here's the thing:
But what about my friends who are going through treatment right now? For some reason I feel bad that I have made it through surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, seemingly nearly unscathed while I have friends that are suffering all of the ill-effects of chemotherapy --from nausea, to neuropathy -- and friends suffering from the worst effects of radiation -- she looks literally like she was flayed alive -- it's weird. Was my cancer not as bad? No, I don't think so. Did I minimize what I was going through? Possibly.
The odd thing about time is that you forget after a while. You forget how awful you really felt. You forget how hard it was to just get through your day-to-day life. You forget the fatigue, the brain fog, the aches and pains, the lack of sleep or poor sleep. You don't remember the dry skin so bad your fingerprints stop working. Your fingernails peeling. When you get to the point of feeling good again, you kind of forget how bad it was.
So I find myself second-guessing: Was all this really necessary? Was it as bad as it should be? Why did I get off so easy? Did I get off easy? Why are others suffering worse than I did?
I get that it's okay for me to feel bad for what I went through even if I didn't have it as bad as others, but is it?
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